Confrontation

I am not one to confront people. It is just not something that I can do and this is fundamentally as a result of 2 reasons. One, I always think that i can just walk away and two, I generally think that if I saw something then people will think that I am miserable and it may even cause unnecessary drama.

As a result of me being this way, I have a friend that thinks that I make people walk over me, that I am a pushover and should just say what I want, even if it will hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes I will notice things about other people's personality that I don't appreciate, but rather than say to them that I dont like it, I saw it to my friends, is that a bad thing? I dont think it necessarily is. But perhaps my friends get a little annoyed that I tell them rather than confront the person.

Today I had a problem with a decision that someone I am associated with made, that affects me. I think that his decision was not a good one and that I should have been consulted before steps were taken. Before I let the person know, that I was against the decision, i thought about it carefully and send a carefully worded e-mail, to avoid stepping on any toes. Am I a wuss, or is it that I consider other people's feelings, or just dont want to make life more difficult by confronting individuals?

What would you do? When is it the right time, to confront someone about something?

DAMN :(

My aunty in the hospital on Dialysis
Grandma worried like crazy
and Mom trying to stay strong

Sucker

I am have such a weak heart for street children. Ok you guys have heard me in a recent entry that I am brookee right. Today I went to the supermarket to get some coconut water. On my way out this little boy asked me for some money to buy summin to drink. Ok I only had like $100 on me, actually I think thats all the cash I had (where the hell is all my money) except for credit cards and stuff (which is technically not my money). But I thought $100 was too much, $50 is good. But what could I do, ask the little begging boy for change :). So I gave up my last $100.

On another note, for the last couple of days I have felt a little bad a bout a relationship I have with someone that seem to have gone sour. But I wrote him an e-mail and told him how I felt and I feel much better, I am over it now. The ball is now in his court he can decide what he wants to do, call me, e-mail me or ignore me.


Until next time

Tears

Apparently I am a sucker for love stories. Last night I couldn't sleep so I started to watch Starz or Cinemax one of those channels. And suprisingly there was no soft porn that late in the night :). "Cinemax stepping up". Anyhow, the movie I watched was City of Angels, and for those of you who haven't heard of it, it is a 90s movie starring Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan.It is supposed to be about an Angel who falls in love with a human and gives up his immortality to be with her. After he did this grand gesture, she dies. He was only able to spend one night with her, one lousy night.

It was a sad movie, I have watched this movie before, but apparently this was the only time I watched it alone, and ofcourse I cried. Not loud screaming noises, but tears ran down my cheek while I watched the ending, sniffling and all. I always seem to cry at the ending of love stories when I am watching it by myself. Why is that?

The concept of the movie was sad, it really was. And for the guys who read this, its not because I am a girl (and girls are emotional, according to males) why I think so. Imagine: You find someone that you love deeply, that person completes you (yes I know it is very cliche). But seriously, when you with this person you are very happy, you think about this person all the time, this is the only person you can imagine spending the rest of your life with. And as soon as you are able to be with this person.....They die.

What the hell.....? this must be the worst thing ever, a cruel joke. Its like you taunting a dog with a piece of meat but wont give it them (simply cruel).

So that is why I cried. Everyone deserves to be happy and if you found your soulmate and then they die, is it ok, because and least you got to find out what love is and you felt a level of happiness you have never had before, making the affair (even if it lasted only a day) worthwhile?

GO ARGENTINA

"Juan Roman Riquelme"

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Today I was as usual at school from 8:30 am to 3:30 pm, we got let off earlier because the lecturer was feeling generous. It wasn't a bad class all in all and the lecturer (Financial Management) rambled on sometimes but for the most part seem confident in delivery and her knowledge of the subject area. So though it got boring at times which forced me to watch the football match (Holland against Serbia and Montenegro) on my laptop, Yes forced me to watch the game.

I was also able to talk quickly to a couple friend online who i havent spoken to in awhile. This may seem like I am a slacker and do no work in my classes, but this is hardly the case-have you heard of multi-tasking :).

Anyhow all in all the day was good, had a few bad conversations, but I'm over it.

Later in the evening I hung out with a bunch of my friends and we played Kalooki (not sure if it is spelt right). Kalooki is a card game and for those of you who don't know what it is..google it:).

I had alot of laughs, it reminded me why they are my friends and why other people are just acquaintances. Lets see, with all the bad things or mishaps and disappointments of the day all it all it was pretty good, I won't elaborate on it but it was good. I have some business documents to finish later and then thats it for the night.

Aufweidersehen Bitches

----Adrienne

Sunflower

Ah Sunflower
By William Blake

Ah Sunflower, weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the sun;
Seeking after that sweet golden clime
Where the traveller's journey is done;

Where the youth pined away with desire,
And the pale virgin shrouded in snow,
Arise from their graves, and aspire
Where my Sunflower wishes to go!

The Bitch called REALITY

Sometimes its nice to be positive and hope for the best. It is also nice to think that things that seem unrealistic may actually happen (this is called a fantasy).

The past week I have come to realize that if things seem hopeless, or unlikely given the circumstances in which they occur then it is safe to say it is unlikely and will end badly. So lets save ourselves some wasted time and just do away with all the issues we are faced with that seems highly improbable of happening and stop trying to trick ourselves that it will or live on false hopes.

Keeping it Real
---Adrienne

More

I am working on a project that I am very excited about and that I hope will come into fruition and be somewhat successful. I think that there is a joy that you get from planning something and then putting it into action and seeing how it materialises. Its nice to see your vision grow legs.

So this project: I have very high hopes for it, and if all goes well it will get its legs in the next couple months. Since I am not the only member of the project, the genesis and progression of it will also be dependent on the other individuals.

When I get excited about something like this i generally get alot of ideas on the way forward, and i am very bent on everyone putting in a 150% so that it can be a success. Though I appreciate the input of all the talented people involved, sometimes i wish that I was going it alone, trodding the path by myself, because at least the things that need to get done for the progression of the project will actually be completed, because I see the urgency of it. Again i appreciate everyone who is a part of the project, because they are all every talented in their areas, I just want them to stop sitting on their asses. I think that they dont fully understand what needs to be done for the success of the project. I am not asking for them to work 24 hours a day or increase the amount of time they work on their respective sectors because we all have a 9-5. I just want them to actually do what they are suppose to get done.

But with all that said, I do have faith in the project and that we will make a tremendous leap in the next couple of months. :)

This week I have started to take better care of my finances (Adrian if you read this donot laugh, I am serious). I am so brookkke that I have no other choice than to take better care of my finances.

There are a couple of things that I really need (want, would do good with):

1. A new laptop (this is most important)

2. A palm pilot (maybe)

3. I need to pay my tuition for August (this should be number 1 but i really do need the laptop).

Speaking about money, my friends and I were talking last week about when we were in high school how much money we had and why the hell that when we start working we are some broke ass peeps. Let me tell you, when i was in high school i went to 95% of all the parties and i didnt get the hook up with some free tickets. And these parties were pretty expensive, plus i pretty much bought a new outfit every week. Plus i went to the salon every week. I basically had money rolling out my ass. Now at 24 when i am a grown woman and i have a job, i cant find money to do the things i wanted. My friends theory is that we ate little lunch so we had a lot of money to spend on other trivial things. But we did it, everyday. I remember we left school everyday and walked to McDonald's for lunch [almonst everyday]. It was a good thing that we played sports, because all those sandwiches from Mickey D's would have made us blimps at 16, 17 and 18.

Well i still dont know how we were able to have so much money, but i wish i was that age again: for the money I somehow had and all the fun i had :). Since i have been working (all 3 years of pain; naw just kidding) i havent been out as much as i used to, or hung out with my friends as much as i used. And so help me God I will not become one of those people who when the reach a certain age think that they should stop hanging out because "they are getting to old for this"--Bullshit. Are you ever too old to hang out and have fun....Never.

So I am gonna make more of an effort to keep in touch with people and do more stuff with my friends.

The Week In Perspective

This week was an ok couple of days. It rained alot, I think today was actually the only day that the sun actually came out for more than 2 hours. Since it is approaching hurricane season we will definitely have a lot more rain. I am not so sure if it is a good or a bad thing. As a result of the constant rain I am not able to go jogging/walking for all of this week and have to resort to walking on the treadmill-which sucks ass.

Anyhow on the topic of work: It wasn't too bad, but could have been better. Next week I am going to try and meet my target, plan ahead and be a little more prepared for each day so I can accomplish what I need to get done for the week. This will help me to increase the number of targets that I have.

I am also very excited about going to Negril this Independence weekend which is August 4-7. I can't wait, I think it will be "wicked". Hopefully I get to see all those people I used to hang out with that went abroad for college. Plus they are having some parties that they use to have a couple years ago that was really good.

Apart from booking my room and being all excited, I got A's on my last 2 exams which is really a nice surprise since I didnt expect to get it. So now I am 4 for 5 in the A's department, not so sure I will do that well on the most recent exams I did (Economics and Marketing). I really dont think that exams truly reflect how well someone can use the information from the course in the real world. I didnt think i was gonna get A's because I didnt attend that many class and understood very little from those that i went to. Dont get me wrong, I am happy i got the damn A, but i am sort of curious as to how. There are other individuals who go to all the classes and get B's. So I wander about that. This semester though I plan to go to all my classes and try to grasp as much of the material as possible and be a little more responsible. I think my classmates think i am fickle since i dont go to all the classes like they do, So this semester I hope to show them that i cam just as responsible. I guess because its an MBA programme and most of the students are older than I am, they think i am not serious about the programme but I am. I hope to take away as much as possible from the experience.

As I am writing this, I am thinking that maybe I am rambling alot, but I guess I am just I am unloading all that happened this week.

I learnt alot about people and how they behave. I think that the more I try to trust people the more they let me down and the more cynical I get. I have totally given up on guys and have decided that I am just going to do what feels right at the moment. I think this week has made me less willing to be in a relationship because of the expectations that I have of people and how easily they tend to dissapoint. So i am now re-evaluating getting serious with someone or giving them an insight into my soul.

Revelation

My Blog has been very vague and deals with general issues rather than illustrate what happens to be on a day to day basis. Starting with today I will start being a little more specific in writing on my Blog.

WAITING????

So there is a saying: "If at first you dont succeed try try and try again". But at which point should you stop trying if it isn't working? Relationships....if you try to make it happen/work and it seems too hard or like its heading for a precipice then should you stay and try or count it as a loss? At which point should you throw in the towel.

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

"And I heard em say, nothin ever promised tomorrow today
And nothing lasts forever but be honest babe
It hurts but it maybe the only way...
...They say people in your life are seasons
and anything that happen is for a reason"

------Kanye West

HOPELESS

I think I am a sad hopeless romantic. I want the flowers, I want the nice dinner, the quintessential gesture. I want the surpise I want the thought that goes into everything he does.

Sad... But I doubt I will find it. [I shed a tear]

I am resigned to believe that these things are only in the imagination. Guys dont take this personally but your thoughts are as deep as a frying pan.

RUN FOR COVER

Take my hand and lead me away
Cover my eyes so I won't see what lies ahead
Cover my ears so I won't be hurt by your words
Turn around so you won't see me cry

Walkaway so you won't see that I am not strong enough for what lies ahead.......

LA BELLA ITALIA

MARRIAGE

Disclaimer: This scenario is purely hypothetical and doesnot mirror my own life and is used to make a point.

Let me say this first, I don't really have a problem with marriage, but what concerns me is that many young people are getting married and I can't believe it, and I sure as hell don't understand it. Today I heard that a guy I went to school with and was very close friends with, is getting married. And the first thing I felt was sadness.

My thing is, Am i ready to get married at 24?
Do I know what is out there for me at 24?

What I also think about is, is this guy for me that I will spend the rest osf my life being inlove with him if i marry him at 24?

Have I had all the experiences I need to have to make me ready to commit to someone for the rest of my life.

If I am 24 and have had 5 sexual relationships am I ready for marriage.

Perhaps the reason why I am so worried about this marriage thing, is that it may end in divorce or affairs. Perhaps I am so inlove with the concept of love lasting forever that I really think people should have as many relationships as possible to make sure that they are ready for marriage and what it means.

If you meet a guy/girl and he or she becomes your first love the first person that you ever had sex with, is it possible for you and that person to be together forever? No definetely not, I think that both persons in that relationship sooner or later will want to explore other opportunites, or better yet other peoples opportunites :).

Maybe I am hating marriage (but i dont think so, someday i will want to get married)

Let me know ya'll opinions

UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENON

Someone said this to me today:

compel: to cause (someone) by force (to be or do something).
so if something compels you, and that something is a person, that person must be compelling (logically speaking).
compelling: arousing or denoting strong interest, esp admiring interest.

Q: what 'something' can still arouse and denote a strong interest in you, notwithstanding all your memories of that 'something' is far from favourable?

A lot of times the reason something compels us is unexplainable. We either feel something that instinctively moves us. Or we feel a feeling that causes us to do what we wouldn't do. Sometimes we dont know we feel anything exactly, we just know our actions are unusual, strange, out of character.

It may be that the thing which compels us for unexplainable reasons is the very thing we continuously look for, but don't know we've found. Instinct has a way of connecting the keys of people so the right chord is played.

Its those of us who hate our own instincts that chastise the unexplainable.
I'm going to eat. Hope the remainder of your day is pleasant. Thanks for your time.