A Proclamation

Today I conquer. Tomorrow I fulfil.

The Past

Sometimes when you invest time and energy into a relationship (friendship, intimate, family etc) it is difficult to let go. It is difficult to walk away from it despite perpetual rough patches. You keep looking to the past to convince yourself that the situation can be better. You see that the relationship is fast going downhill and you are cognizant of the many problems: the comments, the lack of effort among other things, but you try to be the bigger person and put in the work. You try to be optimistic when you know its a long shot, you try to keep upbeat when all you hear are negative comments.

But sometimes, the effort is not worth it, better yet the person is not worth it and then you realize its time to walk away and leave the past in the past. But this is hard beause you know once you turn away you will never look back.

...At least you tried.

Ambivalence

There are so many times that I am faced with situations where I have to make a decision and I dont know what to choose. I am very indecisive, I dont want to choose one thing for fear that I am loosing out on the other thing. I guess this is what is meant by the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too".

Most times when a decision is to be made, I hope to God that there is a sign, not something biblical, just something to make it easier. I may live to regret this statement but many times I wish someone or something would tell me what to do, what is the best decision to make.

This would be easier because at least if it turns out to be a bad decision, then I can comfort myself in the thought that I didn't fuck it up, I just got bad advice :).
The thing with decisions is that half the time I am not the only one that stands to gain or lose from my decision(s), I am not the only affected element in the equation. So I am held liable for the ramifications of my actions on someone or something else.

The Week in Review

This week was really hectic, I had to juggle a ton of school work as well as work. But its over and I am so glad that it is a holiday weekend, so I have no work on Monday...yes this makes me very happy.I really don't think that I will leave my bed this Saturday, its been a while. My bed and I need to reconnect.

Storyteller

I met this guy some time ago. we began talking and it seemed like we hit it off. I say seem beause I not so sure which part is real and which part was an act. He would tell me that he really like me and that he cared for me. He would make the effort. Then out of the blue, he stops talking to me. It was really out of the blue because the last time we spoke he was letting me know he cared for me.

So he stops talking to me, and I cant figure out why. We liked each other, but I wasn't telling this guy I wanted to marry him or wanted a long-term relationship. Anyhow I found out today that some of the stuff he told me was a lie.

What I dont understand is why guys lie to girls when its is reallly not necessary. I am not moourning this dude, just thinking that the whole thing is retarded/stupid. Why waste your time tellings lies to a girl: that you like her etc, when you dont really. What goes through their heads. To me the sensible thing is to spend time with the girl you really like. I think that it's just a waste of your time and the person who you telling lies to. I really cant fathom this stupid concept.

To this sorry guy I say: Since you like telling lies so much maybe you should become a writer of fictional novels, it would suit you. Maybe you should write children's books because you are apparently still a child.