A Proclamation

Today I conquer. Tomorrow I fulfil.

The Past

Sometimes when you invest time and energy into a relationship (friendship, intimate, family etc) it is difficult to let go. It is difficult to walk away from it despite perpetual rough patches. You keep looking to the past to convince yourself that the situation can be better. You see that the relationship is fast going downhill and you are cognizant of the many problems: the comments, the lack of effort among other things, but you try to be the bigger person and put in the work. You try to be optimistic when you know its a long shot, you try to keep upbeat when all you hear are negative comments.

But sometimes, the effort is not worth it, better yet the person is not worth it and then you realize its time to walk away and leave the past in the past. But this is hard beause you know once you turn away you will never look back.

...At least you tried.

Ambivalence

There are so many times that I am faced with situations where I have to make a decision and I dont know what to choose. I am very indecisive, I dont want to choose one thing for fear that I am loosing out on the other thing. I guess this is what is meant by the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too".

Most times when a decision is to be made, I hope to God that there is a sign, not something biblical, just something to make it easier. I may live to regret this statement but many times I wish someone or something would tell me what to do, what is the best decision to make.

This would be easier because at least if it turns out to be a bad decision, then I can comfort myself in the thought that I didn't fuck it up, I just got bad advice :).
The thing with decisions is that half the time I am not the only one that stands to gain or lose from my decision(s), I am not the only affected element in the equation. So I am held liable for the ramifications of my actions on someone or something else.

The Week in Review

This week was really hectic, I had to juggle a ton of school work as well as work. But its over and I am so glad that it is a holiday weekend, so I have no work on Monday...yes this makes me very happy.I really don't think that I will leave my bed this Saturday, its been a while. My bed and I need to reconnect.

Storyteller

I met this guy some time ago. we began talking and it seemed like we hit it off. I say seem beause I not so sure which part is real and which part was an act. He would tell me that he really like me and that he cared for me. He would make the effort. Then out of the blue, he stops talking to me. It was really out of the blue because the last time we spoke he was letting me know he cared for me.

So he stops talking to me, and I cant figure out why. We liked each other, but I wasn't telling this guy I wanted to marry him or wanted a long-term relationship. Anyhow I found out today that some of the stuff he told me was a lie.

What I dont understand is why guys lie to girls when its is reallly not necessary. I am not moourning this dude, just thinking that the whole thing is retarded/stupid. Why waste your time tellings lies to a girl: that you like her etc, when you dont really. What goes through their heads. To me the sensible thing is to spend time with the girl you really like. I think that it's just a waste of your time and the person who you telling lies to. I really cant fathom this stupid concept.

To this sorry guy I say: Since you like telling lies so much maybe you should become a writer of fictional novels, it would suit you. Maybe you should write children's books because you are apparently still a child.

Whats Important

Something happen this week that got me thinking about the time of people I enjoy hanging around with. Not just partying with, I mean spending time with. To me time is an important issue, I hate wasting time on something when i could be doing something else. I appreciate people who are honest and mature. If you like someone then tell them..right..time is too short and too important to play games and on the flip side it is just as important that if you dont like someone anymore you sould let them know. I am all about being honest and open with people. The longer you lie to someone the more hurt they will be (I learnt this in high school).But apparently some people didn't. Like my friend Adrian says "keep it real".


Blast from the past



One of my very good friends sent this pic to me recently, it was taken some time ago. I bunch of us went to a hotel for a week (about 10 of us I think). It was a great great weekend. Not sure whats going in this pic apart from the obvious--that i am on the phone(probably making reservation for the Italian restaurant downstairs. Anyhow this is a really bad pic, look at that outfit(lol), damn! look at those glasses. But it was heaps of fun though.

The bed looks like it saw some action :).

The Cat

Sometimes you do things (not as a test), that teaches you about someone, I had that experience recently...Doesn't is suck when people are not what you thought that they were. You definitely feel cheated, but I guess it is all part of life. The good thing is that you live and you learn.

On a happier note most of my friends will be coming to Jamaica for Novemeber-December so I am very excited about that, it should be lots of fun.

Work
Work has been ok, I am learning alot which is always a good thing. In the last couple of weeks as well I have really developed as person, there are many things that I have rethought- funny that all this came out of work. But what I really like about it is that I feel like there is a purpose in what I am doing. (not sure if y'all will understand what I meant by that).

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"I got soul but i am not soldier"
"I got soul but i am not soldier"
---The Killers

New Venture

I have been working at a new firm for the last 3 weeks. I am still not fully in my element, but I hope to get a lot out of it. I hope I can make meaningful impact! There is so much to say, but perhaps I will elaborate next time.

P.S I have been thinking about a way of helping the less fortunate- I perhaps am in this caategory myself :). But anyhow, I am trying to think of a creative way to raise money for education. 4 years ago I thought of starting a project called BookBank, where people could donate books. The donated books would then be redistrbiuted to kids who are unable to afford such texts. The thought was just that, it didnt bear fruit. I couldnt conceptualize an adequate method of collecting the books. I dont have the time to make home pickups.....
Anyone who reads this and has ideas, please let me know. I would prefer something that utilizes the internet. Perhaps you could also factor in a way to also have people donate money.

Please think about it and get back to me.